In any case, it’s better to turn down the request than to endorse someone if you’re not comfortable providing the recommendation.
You Have the Right to Decline a Reference Request
There is never an obligation to give someone a reference. You can politely and diplomatically decline the request without offending the person who asked you. The trick is to do so without making your refusal sound like a personal criticism or a professional rejection. Here are two examples:
Tips for Declining a Reference Request
Here are tips for how to say no in a professional manner:
Don’t feel bad about saying no: Sometimes it is difficult to find a way to politely decline the request, but you would appreciate candor if someone you asked for a recommendation chose to decline. It’s better not to give a recommendation at all than it is to give a wishy-washy one. Any hiring manager will pick up on the lack of enthusiasm in the reference. Don’t wait: When you need to decline a request for a recommendation, try to do so as promptly as possible. It might be tempting to put it off—no one likes having to let someone down. But delaying is crueler than responding promptly, even if they don’t like what you have to say. You should give the person as much time as possible to line up alternative references if you can’t provide one. Be gracious: It’s better to decline the request than to write a lukewarm endorsement, but that doesn’t mean you have to be rude or overly critical in your response. There’s no need to make the interaction more negative than it needs to be. Besides, most industries are a small world. You never know when you might run into the person again someday at a future job. Be positive: If you can, include some positive feedback. Offer to help in another way; perhaps you can provide some job search advice for their target industry, or recommend a mutual acquaintance who would be a more appropriate person to endorse them. Keep it short: The message you need to convey is short—for a given reason, you’ll be unable to give a reference. A few paragraphs are more than enough to convey what you need to say. Always use “I” statements: Say “I feel that I don’t know you well enough,” rather than, “You haven’t made much of an impression on me.” Maintaining a respectful and mature dialogue will go a long way towards making the difficult refusal of a reference less painful.
When Company Policies Ban Reference Letters
A growing tendency is for companies to establish policies that limit the granting of references and recommendations. These no-reference policies were developed because of the many cases where employees have sued an employer for providing them with a negative reference. Check with your organization’s Human Resources department to determine if such a policy is in place.
Samples of Recommendation Request Rejection Letters
These sample letters and email messages are models to decline the request. As always, tailor them to fit your situation: July 23, 2022 Joe Smith37 Chestnut Street, Apartment BBirmingham, MA 02192 Dear Mr. Smith, I am glad to hear you are interested in a job in the publishing industry. I do not feel that I worked with you long enough to write you an accurate reference letter for your job search. However, if you have any questions about job searching in the publishing industry, I would be happy to answer them. Sincerely, Signature (hard copy letter) Elizabeth Waters July 8, 2022 Terry Johnson12 Main Street, Apt. 3Ocean View, NY 11732 Dear Ms. Johnson, I am pleased to hear that you are applying for a sales position with XYZ Company. Unfortunately, since I haven’t had the opportunity to observe your work in this field, I would be unable to offer the strength of endorsement that one of your closer colleagues could. Best of luck in your new endeavor. Sincerely, Signature (hard copy letter) Daniel Bruno February 3, 2022 Joe Black34 Sunny WayLos Angeles, California 90001 Dear Mr. Black, I received your request for a letter of recommendation. I believe that you would be better served to utilize a reference who is more familiar with your coursework in a field related to the IT position at ABC Systems than I am. I am happy to supply a general character reference, but I would not be able to speak directly to your qualifications for this position. Regards, Signature (hard copy letter) Nancy Wallis
